Friday, November 25, 2011

Thank You’s and I Guess So’s


A Belated Thanksgiving Letter

I can’t be thankful for anything stationary.   There are some things I’ve been thankful for the last 11 years, but I don’t know if they’ll still be there a month from now.  The familiar might not be, some won’t be in four weeks. 

So what doesn’t change?  What could you be thankful for whether you lived on the moon, Timbuktu, or just home, which is much sweeter than I ever imagined? 

Do people really change?  Or, just their circumstances.  I mean, I miss by best friend because of her insisting I share her opinion.  I’ll miss her because she is hopelessly, and I mean hopelessly romantic.  She has chocolate and rose water flowing through her veins.  I’ll miss her because the world is more beautiful through her eyes, more because she has loved me for so long.  Those things don’t change do they?

I love my Mama because she knows me better than any body else.  I love her because she loves so, so much.  She’s so unselfish, yet so human.  She can be so funny, or so serious.  But, then I guess all good mamas are.

So, I guess I can be thankful for people who love me….for people I can love back….

I won’t be living in the same house in 36 days.  So, I can’t be thankful for this roof.  These shingles are home though, I don’t know how to shake it.  I don’t know how someone’s else’s house will be my home.  I mean, they’re only acquaintances to me, but I won’t just be visiting this time.  Will my new bedroom become home?  Or will it be family?  Or, will I feel like a stranger the whole time?

So, is home just feeling accepted, a location that’s part and parcel to yourself.  Is home a place to feel safe and relaxed?  Is it a place of the closest fellowship? 

I guess I would have that on the moon.  Isn’t that the Trinity?  Where is God?

I guess I’m writing this to smile at myself.

I can’t be thankful for privacy, God knows I won’t have much of that soon.

No thank you very much for even knowing how to get to the library, no familiar roads.

No small world running intos.  My world’s expanded too much.

No more thinking I know my family, it’s just grown from 4 to 6.

But, I do have people, their personalities and relationships.  Thank you God.
I do have my dreams, the person God has made and is making me, my quirks and internal enemies.  Thank you dear Jesus.

I do have You.  You, who searched all over this wicked world for this wicked child.  And, you know what you did, you bought me back and brought me home.

So, I guess more than anything I’m grateful this thanksgiving for the one who place the sun and moon in the sky.  They’re still hanging there, and even if those strings were cut You’d still be there.  You are constant, eternal, You are love and grace.  You pray for me.  You loved me so much, gave everything for little old me, that I must give everything back in return. 

You make my heart beat every morning, so I can give.  You pick me up when I forget what You did and go back to my selfish ways.  You remind me of all your good.  You are grace. 

Thank you,
Ana E

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