The following are actual announcements and classifieds from my local paper this week:
"Catholic Mass is held the first and third Sundays at 5 p.m. at Knowledge Tree Day Care."
"Pink eye purple hull and pink eye top pick peas, $10 a bushel if you pick or $18 a bushel if he picks."
"To the person who stole my wallet off of CVS Pharmacy's counter, if you could please mail my driver's license and other items to the address on my card."
"White gentleman, 6' tall, 62 years old, country boy living, have 4 horses, looking for a life long relationship, do not smoke, drink, or do drugs."