Friday, May 09, 2014

Mine

I'm a 23 year old homeschool graduate, never dated, never been kissed, church-goer, nerdy reader, dabbler in history, music, and cooking, and I spend my days going to college and teaching.  I should be a perfect candidate for a moony post about how all my friends are getting married, and how I've just got to learn to be content to wait for my Divine marriage plan to come to pass like the rest of my friends.

Wrong.

I lie in bed at night terrified that my independence driven plans of obtaining a Master's degree, completing at least two years working in my chosen field before marriage, and continuing my passion of tutoring will all be blasted to pieces by the male variety of my species.

I'm petrified of being in a relationship without my growing more.  I wouldn't dare inflict my current self on some unsuspecting fellow.  I can't mix another human heart and plans with mine.  They don't fit!  

I believe that when a Christian is married their second most important job is being the best spouse they can be.  I just as emphatically believe that a Christian parent's third most important job is to be the best mom or dad they can be.  I might want these jobs one day, but only on a hand-picked day on my calendar.

My plans...
My calendar...
My day...
My self...
My growth...
My heart...
My puzzle...

I possess the same problem as the girl dying to be married -- sin, pride, self.  The crippling issue is not the desires for marriage, college, or vocation themselves but that I'm still neglecting my singularly most important job as a Christian.  The one job that will never change its priority position as long as I live: 

Follow Jesus. 
Be faithful. 
Love others. 
Worship my God.

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